Consumer Letters from a Regular Mom

I am happy to introduce a new segment to my blog: Consumer Letters from a Regular Mom. Periodically, I will write letters to companies to offer suggestions on ways to improve their product. Moms make up the biggest consumer group so I believe companies should hear what we have to say about their products. Hope you enjoy!

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Dear Tampon Manufacturers,

I have been a faithful customer for over two decades now. For the most part, I am happy with your product line and will continue my patronage for as long as my girly underneathy bits require your business. I have witnessed several product upgrades through the years. With 250+ purchases under my belt, I consider myself a bit of a tampon connoisseur. Long gone are the days of bulky packaging and pale pink wrappers stuffed in my purse. I appreciate your new sleek, aerodynamic designs. I can continue to carry my cute handbag instead of pulling out a rucksack to cart around my menstrual survival kit. Unfortunately, I have found a serious flaw in your latest packaging design. I am a mother of two young girls who have a bit of a sweet tooth. If I foolishly open my purse within their line of sight, I am bombarded with requests to share what they believe is candy. I think you've missed the mark on helping a gal keep her visit from Aunt Flo on the down-low. There is nothing discreet about my menses whilst out in public when my kid grabs a fun-sized tampon from my bag and waves it around begging if she could please, please, please have a candy bar! I am already one step away from a hormonal murderous outburst and now I have to try to explain to my 3 year old that she doesn't want "mommy's candy." You are not helping me "Have a Happy Period." Might I suggest a new design? Perhaps you can consult the Navy Seals and work together on a wrapper design that is a little more covert or camouflaged, if you will. Take a survey of 2 to 4 year olds and research what they don't like. Work with moms, not against them.

 I took it upon myself to come up with a few prototypes:

You can call them Mompons. Genius, no?

Thank you for your time and consideration with this matter. I look forward to collaborating with you on your next line of feminine care products.

Sincerely,

A Menstrual Mom

I got a Liebster Award!! What does that even mean?!

This week's blog is going to be a little different. Yesterday, I received a lovely surprise. My darling blogger pal, The Ginger BlogMan nominated me for the Liebster Award! 

Isn't it wonderful?!?!?

I got an award! I can't believe it! I am so happy! Wait... what is a Liebster Award? I had to google it and here is what I found: 

The Liebster Award's origins are a bit of a mystery. Bloggers nominate other bloggers that have 200 or less followers. It's basically a "Hey, that's a sweet little blog you've got there. Here's an award!" You can't just accept the award. You have to play by the (ever changing) rules and pay it forward. Then you can put the award on your blog for all to see. Pretty sweet, no?

So here are the rules:

1. The nominee must list 11 fun facts about him or herself.
2. Answer the 11 questions the person giving the award has set for you.
3. Create 11 questions for your new nominees.
4. Nominate 11 new bloggers and send them a link to your post.

It's like a chain letter but without all the hexes if you don't play along. 

So let's begin.

11 Super Interesting Facts about Yours Truly:

1. I do not like chatting on the phone. I can't focus on the conversation with my monkey kids running around and making noise. There is a 95% chance I won't answer your call. It's not you, it's me.
2. I am a sensitive gal. I have lots of feelings. I cry at sentimental car commercials. I'm a hot mess around the holidays. I have never seen "The Notebook" because if normal people bawl their eyes out when watching this movie, I'd be on placed on suicide watch.
3. I wish I had a British accent. I think I could pull it off. Hell, if Madonna can do it, why can't I?
4. A good back rub or hair brushing is the fastest way to my heart. I'm convinced that I was a big, fluffy Persian cat in a previous life.
5. I have freakishly large hands and long fingers for a girl. My hands are bigger than the 6'3 Hub's hands. I'm only 5'6.
6. I have a superhuman sense of smell.
7. I can always find Waldo. 
8. I once wiped a baby squirrel's butt.
9. I don't like to eat meat off the bone. Biology classes ruined it for me.
10. Cockroaches are the most terrifying thing ever. If I see one, I will run away.
11. Oh hell, she's getting all sensitive here... I love blogging. When I graduated from college with a BA in Creative Writing, I believed I would be the next bestselling fiction author. After years of none of that happening, I finally discovered the incredible joy of telling my true life stories. I love writing them down. I love sharing them with you. I get a real kick when you take the time to comment on my blog. I am grateful for every page view, every share, every like, every retweet. The blog community is enormous and ever growing, but getting this award makes me feel like I am really part of it now. It's like moving up from eating lunch in the high school bathroom stall to getting a seat at a table in the cafeteria. 

My 11 questions to answer from The Ginger BlogMan:

1. What is your preferred method of birth control? A long day of running after my kids seems to do the trick. (You dirty little monkey!)
2.  If you could have any super power what would it be and why? I would want the ability to clone or replicate myself. My clones would do all the laborious household tasks while I sat in a lounge chair and drank margaritas. 
3. What is your favourite music album of all time? "Under the Table and Dreaming" by Dave Matthews Band. 
4. Do redheads have souls? Yes... I'm *almost* sure of it. 
5. If you were on death-row (I'm sorry about this) what would you order as your last meal? They don't offer custom ordered last meals in the States due to extravagant requests, but if that were still an option, I would order lobster bisque, biscuits smothered in sausage gravy, hot Irish Soda bread with tons of butter, a case of the Sam Adams Autumn brew collection, a plate of sushi, and a mint Kondike ice cream bar... because whatever I did to get on death row was probably for a Kondike Bar. 
6. PC or Mac? Mac, baby! 
7. Who is the most influential person in your life and why? I have many influential people in my life but I'd have to say at this point, it's a "what," not a "who." Right now, there's a pair of pre-baby jeans in my closet influencing me to avoid everything on my death-row last meal list. 
8. What is your favorite cartoon as an adult? Phineas and Ferb. Because of them, I now know the tip of a shoelace is called an "aglet." 
9. Do you have any regrets? I regret all those years of trying to be "normal" and fit in with the crowd. I also regret that third cup of coffee this morning. I swear my eyes are vibrating.
10.  Would you like to own a monkey butler (assuming no animal rights were violated, leave me be PETA)? Why do you think I had kids? They usually don't shed and they're housebroken. Finally. 
11. How do you feel right now? Like Sally Field winning an Oscar.

You like me! You really like me!

My Super Awesome Questions for the Next Nominees:

1. Why did you start a blog?
2. How would you describe yourself in a personal ad in the paper?
3. Do you have an unusual talent?
4. What was your best Halloween costume ever?
5. What is your biggest pet peeve?
6. What is your astrological sign? Is it true what they say?
7. What scares the hell out of you?
8. What was your worst injury as a child?
9. What is your favorite smell?
10. What is your least favorite movie genre?
11. Why is a raven like a writing desk?

And The Liebster Award Goes To: (In alphabetical order)**

1. Dipso Facto Scapegoat Ink  http://blog1.scapegoatink.com
2. Do I Have To? http://mikecoon.blogspot.com/
3. Father In Training http://fatherintraining.com
4. Goodrow Gang http://goodrowgang.blogspot.com
5. Hand Make My Life http://www/handmakemylife.com
6. Herding Cats http://phoebeholmes.com
7. Karen's Blog http://karenbettyroberts.blogspot.com
8. Life, Darling http://lifedarling.com
9. Our Journey http://carrie-ourjourney.blogspot.com
10. Princess and the Pi http://princessandthepi.blogspot.com/
11. The Poopy Scoop  http://thatsthepoopyscoop.blogspot.com

**This was the hard part of the rules. The award is supposed to go to blogger with less than 200 followers but, on many of these, the followers were not shown or I just couldn't find your count. So I guessed. Like I said before, the rules are ever changing. It used to be 5 people and 5 questions. Now it is up to 11. Next year, I'm sure it'll be more. Basically, I nominated your blog because I really enjoy your stories and I wanted to share this lovely award with you. Yay us!!!