Week without Mommy? I Got This. (The Hub's Guest Blog)

Last week, I was away on business in Philadelphia. This was the first time I was away from my family for more than a night. A couple of years ago, The Hub was out of town on a work assignment for a month, so I know how challenging it is to suddenly become a temporary "single parent." Before I left, I made sure the house was in order and I laid out the girls' clothes for school for the week... just to make it a little easier in the mornings for him. We talked every night and The Hub would tell me the highlights of each day...all were good and reassuring. I can honestly say, I did not doubt his ability to go it alone for the week... and I was right to be so confident. I came home to find the house still standing, the kids were not sold on the black market, S did her homework, and B left the house with her pants on everyday.

Later, I learned that there were a few moments of complete chaos and rule bending that The Hub left out of our phone conversations... He didn't want me to worry. I asked him to write about his week alone with our kids. Enjoy!!

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Getting Ready in the Morning

Two bathrooms plus three people, T-minus twenty minutes until the bus arrives. The math did not work that morning.

B: I wanna wear my Tinkerbell nightgown to school.
Me: Sure. Why not?
B: YAY!

B's Daycare Teacher: B's hair is full of static! It's standing straight up!
(I walk over to the sink, wet my hands, and slick back her hair.)
Me: TA-DA!
B's Daycare Teacher: When does your wife come back?

B: Daddy, you need to put a ponytail in my hair.



TA-DA!



 Working from Home

 

(I'm on an important business call with a client.)

Me: Yes. I'll get that proposal to you in 10 minutes.
B: (Walks into the room with pants around her ankles) Daddy!! Can you wipe my butt?!
Me: Make that 20.

S: Daddy! I spilled my drink!
Me: I'm sending out an email right now. Just put a paper towel on it and I'll clean it up in a minute.
(She used my work notes.)

Making Dinner

Me: What do you want me to cook for dinner tonight?
S: Happy China.
B: McDonalds.
Me: Okay.
The Kids: YAY!

Me: I'm ordering pizza tonight.
Kids: YAY! You're the best cook ever!!

The Bedtime Routine

The Kids: Daddy, we need to take baths tonight.

Me: (Give each kid a sniff check.) Nah, you're good.
The Kids: YAY!!

 (30 Minutes past bedtime and the kids are still goofing off in their room.)
Me: You better go to sleep or I'll call your mother and tell her to stay in Philadelphia FOR-EV-ER!

The Kids: Complete silence for the rest of the night.

I got this.

 

Leaving on a Jet Plane

I was in the 3rd grade. It was the week before the start of winter break and I was already daydreaming about Christmas. The teachers were on auto pilot with our lessons. They were busy planning the student Holiday Showcase for the last PTA meeting of the year and anyone not in the showcase did busy work. I was not in the show. In fact, I had no idea there was a show until I saw my grade school best buddy, TC, walk into my classroom with five other girls. My teacher choreographed a “Candy Cane Dance” for a small group of 3rd grade girls and they used our classroom as a practice area. I know I should have kept my focus on long division rather than watch the girls twirl and curtsey while holding cardboard tube “candy canes,” but I couldn’t keep my eyes off of them, not to mention, I was a little jealous that TC was doing something other than long division.

This went on for another few days: Six girls tapping their toes and trying to remember their left foot from their right and I was faking through my math work. The song, which escapes me now, was burned into my brain. Then it happened. TC came down with a really bad cold and stayed home from school . I overheard my teacher tell the girls at the next practice that they would have to make due without the 6th person in the dance group. I don’t know what came over me, but I stood up and said, “I can do it. I know the steps. I can fill in for TC.” My teacher looked at me and said, “Are you sure? You know it’s in front of a lot of people.” I nodded, walked over, took a “candy cane” cardboard tube and preformed the dance perfectly the first try. That Friday, I danced for a full house... erm, cafeteria. I felt like a super star and completely confident. I didn’t mess up. I nailed it. I was made for the stage.

Fast forward a couple…okay, okay… almost three decades later. I’m two months into my new job. Less than two weeks ago, my boss asked me very last minute to go to Philadelphia for our company’s big conference to fill in for another employee. It was déjà vu. Over the course of the last week, my responsibilities grew and next week, I will be speaking in front of approximately 300 people. It’s been one crash course after another and I know what I have to do. I’m really honored. My boss believes that I can handle this even though I am still very new to the company. They trust that I’ll do a good job. I know the steps and my right foot from my left. My red and white striped skirt is now a business suit. My cardboard tube candy cane is now two laptops and a microphone. But, the audience will be less forgiving than the PTA and I’m not the confident super star 3rd grader I once was. I’m nervous. Like, I’m not sure my deodorant is working and I'm really gassy nervous.

What happened to my 3rd grade bravado? I do "brave" things all the time. I speak in front of people. I introduce myself to groups of strangers. I sing karaoke... badly. I say YES when a comfortable NO would suffice. But, I now find that I regret jumping into the scary and question why I put myself into these situations. I usually come out okay in the end with a good story to tell, but the anxiety that plagues me the minutes, hours, days, and weeks before the event is almost too much to bear. I've lost my natural ballsy attitude somewhere along the way.

As a mother, I have to be brave for my kids, so in turn, I can encourage them to be brave and try new things. I have to show them how to take bold steps. I have to fly away from the nest to show them how it's done before I kick them out. Yes, the 300 pairs of eyes starting at you are scary, but you'll be amazed at how good it feels to survive a good scare. Try the spinach. Yes, it looks like snot, but you might actually like it. Introduce yourself. Show off a talent. Take a trip to a strange new town by yourself. Take on a huge responsibility. That is how you grow. That is how you live.

I'm putting on a brave face for my family. I'm honest about being nervous, but I back that up with "but I'll be okay and you will, too." The Hub is more than capable to handle the monkeys while I'm gone. I'm almost ready to board my first flight in 6 years. I'm ready to experience a whole bunch of unfamiliar. I'm ready to do a fantastic job.  I'm ready for a quiet night in a hotel room where I am sole master of the remote control. As long as I remember my deodorant and underpants, I'm sure I'll be fine.

Picture Credit: http://themetapicture.com/

Robbing Peter

Alarm rings at 5:00 A.M.

Hit snooze about 5 times. Make that 6.

Oh God. I'm exhausted. Where did the night go? Didn't I just go to bed? I dreamt about work. That should count as a full day's work. I think I'll ask the boss about getting time and a half for REM Sleep work. I really should get up. I've got a long day ahead of me. I need to let the dog out, feed the dog, take a shower... did I put the laundry in the dryer last night? Damn it. Okay. There goes my charcoal gray cardigan option. I think my black sweater is clean. I'll wear that. Did I set the coffee maker to auto brew last night? YES. Thank you me from last night. You're the best.

Roll out of bed. Start the morning routine. Walk around the house in the dark to avoid waking the kids. Step on the dog's chew toy that squeaks. Might as well been an air horn. Youngest daughter, B, wakes up and starts crying very loudly like she does every morning since the second day of work. I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL MAMA!

Rush, rush, dress, dress, brush, brush, search, search, pack, pack, nag, nag... Where the hell are my keys?!

Drive to work.

Seriously, people! What happened to Atlanta radio over the last three years? There are five stations and they all play the same bubble gum Taylor Swift song at the same time. I'm only in the car for 15 minutes so I can't hear the results of the morning show DJs' riveting debate on the pros and cons of breaking up with someone via text message.

Type, type, answer call, answer call, double check the numbers, type, type, staple, copy, type, type, call, call, ask question, delete, type, report, repeat.

Drive home from work.

Damn you, Taylor Swift!

Meet older daughter, S, at the bus stop. Get a big hug and "guess what happened today, Mama!!" Try to follow the latest First Grade drama. Attempt to steer the conversation to focus on what she learned that day. Climb back into the car to pick up B from daycare. Get the warmest welcome from B. "MAMA!!! I MISSED YOU!!!" Try to follow the latest daycare drama. Attempt to steer the conversation to focus on what she did that day. Arrive home and get mauled (lovingly) by lonely dog. Check the house for carnage the dog left behind after 8 hours of being home alone with only the sound of Animal Planet on the TV.

Snack, homework, reading, play time for the kids, play time with dog. Bill pay, answer personal emails, light housework, and start dinner for me. Wait for The Hub to walk through the door. Sneak off with The Hub to chat about our day while the kids are playing. Have to cut conversation short because one kid did something to make the other kid mad.

Eat, clean, baths, books, kisses, feed fish, good night.

Go to sleep girls!
I mean it!
If I hear one more peep come from that room, you're grounded forever.
GO TO SLEEP!

"You better go to sleep or I'll send mommy in there!!" - The Hub

Make lunches, lay out clothes for tomorrow, pack school bags, set coffee machine. Crash on couch and flip through the channels and doze off in the middle of The Big Bang Theory. Where did the day go?!

I really should be writing...

That's pretty much my day during the week now. I know employed parents out there are nodding their heads in agreement. Maybe even shaking their heads and saying, "Girlfriend, you have no idea what I have to do everyday." Some of you crazy people can add sports practice, music lessons, Girl or Boy Scouts, gym workouts, baking homemade bread, reading Tolstoy, working a second job, belly dancing, tweezing your eyebrows, and breathing. (How the hell do you manage it?) I know what it's like to be a stay at home mom. This is also my second round of being an employed mom. Both lives are challenging. Both lives have perks. Both lives are good and hard in their own way. I just didn't expect the transition from one stage of life to another to be so... well... exhausting.

I'm struggling to find my balance. I still want to do all the things I did when I was home all the time, but I also want to do well with my new job outside of the home. I'm not used to being "ON" all day. I have to be pleasant and professional even when all I want to do is lay on the floor with my daughter and watch Dora the Explorer. I can't believe I just wrote that. I can't stand Dora the Explorer. I have to be focused when I want to zone out. I want to do housework during the weekday, rather than on the weekends. Okay, let's be honest... I don't want to housework anytime. Oh, and the laundry piles up in record time now, not because I haven't done it, but because I am wearing different clothes everyday. I seriously considered wearing my PJ's to work. I miss wearing PJ's all day.

The simple fact is, we need the second income. I am so ridiculously grateful for the job and I like it 95% of the time. I think I'm pretty good at what I do. I have my "kick ass" moments at work. I still have my "kick ass" moments at home... they just rarely happen on the same day. I feel that in order to get everything done, I have to rob Peter to pay Paul. To get more time with my family, I let the house go. When the house gets messy, I get antsy and we have to play "find the kids' shoes" when the bus is coming up the street. To get my house in order, The Hub and I do housework on the weekends. I even try to do a little bit of housework each night to lessen the weekend chores. By Friday, you can't even tell I cleaned on Monday. I feel like I have to schedule every minute of my week. I'm not good with schedules. I'm motivated by mood. I do things when I feel like it. I don't have a internal clock and it takes so much self discipline to do what I have to do. It also takes self discipline to slow down and do things I want to do without guilt. Like read extra bedtime stories. Snuggle with The Hub. Play with the dog. Lay on the couch and do absolutely nothing. Write.

I know it's only been a month. I know I'll pull a Stella and get my groove back. It took a while for me to get used to being a stay at home mom. It'll take some time to get used to being employed. Tonight, I will set up the coffee maker, pack some lunches, lay out clothes, and set my alarm for 5:00 AM. I might wake up and attack the day with gusto. I might wake up and join B in a good cry and yell, " I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL MAMA! Either way, it'll be fine.

Mommy is Going Back to Work

It is day one of 2013. Happy New Year! I've already broken two resolutions. I'm not worried. I have a whole year to get back on track. To be honest, I'm not focused on my laundry list of resolutions. I'm not even focused on my laundry. After three and a half years of being a stay at home mom, I go back to work tomorrow. I feel like a teenager getting ready for a new year of high school. Each year, I'd spend the last day of summer, contemplating my game plan for the new year: Will I be funny? Will I be quiet and devote myself to homework? Will I reach out to make new friends or let others come to me? Each year I'd decide on my persona and by the first hour of class, I'd fall right back into my slightly funny, kind of shy, awkward girl persona who floated between different cliques and did really well in honors Language Arts and failed miserably in Geometry. I was right in the middle. Now that I've lived another lifetime since high school, I've figured out who I am. I'm a slightly funny, kind of shy, awkward girl, with a dash of smartass that comes with age. I'm looking forward to my job which will not involve geometry proofs and hopefully, a lot of words.

I wanted to be like Angela Chase from My So Called Life.
I wasn't good at leaning.

On the eve of the first day of my new job, I've already laid out my first day of work outfit, packed my first day of work lunch, set aside my favorite mug for the first day of work coffee, and cleaned out my car for the first day of work commute. I am so ready for this.

No, I'm not.

Even though I spent the last year looking for outside employment, I've really enjoyed being at home. It's been my job for three and a half years. I started off as a working mom when S was born and I did fairly well with the balancing act, but I've fallen in love with the home mom job. The original plan was for me to stay with B from birth until she started Pre-K in August this year. Once both kids were in school full time, I could go back to work. The Hub and I put ourselves on a ridiculously tight budget and hunkered down. Over the past three and a half years, The Hub changed jobs twice, we had to replace a hot water tank and both toilets, we brought on two pets, and survived numerous other money pit situations. We went without family vacations and fancy electronic equipment. I became a coupon clipper and I've grown quite fond of generic brand coffee. The Hub and I rarely went out. But, after all this time, the struggle and hoping that nothing else would fall apart before my stay at home time was up, I truly enjoyed the experience. I found myself. I discovered some hidden talents. I tell some amazing bedtime stories. I have a flair for organizing. I learned how to cook. I found that I can go for the long haul on half a tank. I started writing again. I started this blog. I learned to be comfortable in my own skin without wearing make-up. I could actually go three days without a shower. I am good at making due with what I have.

Over the last year, we realized that B needed to be around other kids and we were tired of living on the lean. Not to mention, the kids are both going through growth spurts. They're eating us out of house and home and out growing their clothes faster than our budget allows. Besides, I'd really like to take a real vacation and actually make my home look like my "Design Inspiration" board on Pinterest. That all takes money. I am grateful that this new job fell into my lap. I know I'm extremely lucky for this opportunity. But, still... I am nervous about the change. And a little sad.

Since I've played both roles, I feel that I know both sides to the story... the pros and cons, so to speak. Obviously, a big pro is the extra paycheck. Since I'm not in high school anymore, I need a new thing to contemplate the night before the first day. Here is a list of pros and cons of going back to work.


Pros:

• While at work, I will be called by my real name. I am not required to answer to mommy, mom, mama, or ma.
• My co-workers are responsible for their own lunches, tying their own shoes, and putting on their own coats.
• I will not have to wipe another person's butt or nose for eight hours a day, five days a week. 
• No one will bang on the door and cry while I'm in the bathroom.
• I can listen to my music while in the car twice a day.
• No cartoons.
• I can say T.G.I.F. again and mean it.
• I can carry on an adult conversation without having to stop to let the dog out or yell at a kid for writing on the walls.  
• B will be in daycare. (Insert evil laugh here)
• I won't have to share my computer so someone else can play Nick Jr. games.
• I'm not the boss.

Cons:

• No farting, belching, or scratching while at work.
• Yoga pants and pajamas are not appropriate work attire.
• Hiding in the closet to eat a chocolate bar is frowned upon... maybe that should go into the pro column.
• I'll have to put on a bra before 7:00 A.M. and keep it on until after 4 P.M.
• No naps.
• A swish of coffee is no longer an acceptable form of mouthwash.
• No eating the leftovers off of co-workers' plates.
• A scoop of peanut butter on a spoon, a handful of goldfish crackers, and a juice box is not a professional grown up lunch.
• No surfing the web for funny pictures of cats.
• I cannot end an inter-office disagreement with "because I said so, that's why!"
• If a co-worker makes me mad, I cannot send him or her to timeout.
• I won't do the "Yay! The kids go back to school tomorrow!" dance on Sunday nights. It will now be the "Awwww, I have to go back to work tomorrow" sulk.
• I'll have to leave the house on rainy days, extra cold days, and bloated days.
• I'll miss the little buggers.
• I'm not the boss.

It's going to be fine. I'll be fine. Who knows? Maybe I'll really love my new job. I really liked everyone I met while interviewing. I already know I'll be good at my job and I'll be able to do some really fun and interesting things. It's close to home and they let me pick my own hours so I don't have to send S to before/after school daycare. It's okay with my employeer that I'm a mom first. I've found that if a company recognizes that, it's a damn good company and you need to make sure you work hard and keep that job. Even with the cons, this opprotunity is better than I could have ever imagined. It's going to be a good year. I can't wait to tell you all about my first day and all the adventures to come.

(Deep breath.)