Mustaches Are Magical

Tom Selleck. Burt Reynolds. Alex Trebek. Atlanta's top meteorologist, Ken Cook. Ron Burgundy. What do these men all have in common? That's right. Mustaches! I've always believed that a mustache is more than just facial hair grown on a male's upper lip. Whether it's a Handlebar, Chevron, Dali, Imperial, Pencil, or Fu-manchu, these lip sweaters have magical powers that transform a mere dude into a magnificent sexy beast of a man. They also raise awareness and funds for men’s health. I told you they have magical powers.

On November 1, men all over the world ditch their razors and grow mustaches for Movember. I am happy to announce that I have joined the ScapeGoat Ink's Bullet-Proof 'Staches team! We're raising some coin for men's health issues, specifically prostate and testicular cancer. In a cruel twist of fate, I am not able to join the Mo Bros and grow upper lip plumage... because, I'm a girl. Instead, I am a Mo Sista and support the awesome dudes on my team by raising money and spreading awareness!

Hot damn! I look debonair! Sigh. If only...

My Movember team captain, Mike Myers, of ScapeGoat Ink is also my cousin. I saw his frank and beans once. Relax - I was visiting my relatives in Chicago and we were both under the age of 10. He didn't wait for me to clear the bathroom before he undressed to take a shower. Gah, you guys are perverts. Since his were the very first male underneathy bits to ever flash before my eyes, I thought it was only fitting to join his Movember team. Here is some wicked important, yet super hilarious information from his blog Dipso Facto ScapeGoat Ink on either joining ScapeGoat Ink's Bullet-Proof 'Staches  or ways to donate to our team:

Join our Movember Team: ScapeGoat Ink's Bullet-Proof 'Staches

 This year, we honor the great men who have grown before us and, as Movember and Sons, pay respect to the simple truth that knowledge is power and moustache is king. That, my friends, is why ScapeGoat Ink has registered and started a Movember team for the fourth year in a row. Wow, four years of looking manly and sexy as hell! Our team, ScapeGoat Ink's Bullet-Proof 'Staches, pledges to cultivate genuine, 100 percent, face-grown lip rags for the next 30 days, starting November 1, 2012, to raise awareness and funds for men’s health.

This year we're opening the doors up to our fans and supporters to join our team so that together we can raise awareness AND look dead sexy while doing it. You can participate by either growing a wicked cookie duster as a ScapeGoat Ink Mo Bro, or join as a ScapeGoat Ink Mo Sista to help recruit others, share knowledge, and support Mo growers. To join our team, click here or cut and paste this link into your web browser:https://www.movember.com/us/register/details/team_id/463029!

Once registered, Movember will send you all the information you need to start raising awareness and funds for men’s health as part of our Movember team. And, feel free to spread the word to anyone else who might want to join or who would look stunning with a lip tickler. Plus, if you join our team and you raise $75 or more in donations then you will receive a FREE ScapeGoat Ink logo t-shirt as a thank you from us for all your hard work and efforts.

ScapeGoat Ink's Original LiverStrong t-shirt

If that's not enough, anyone who purchases a ScapeGoat Ink LiverStrong t-shirt (shown above) during the month of November, we will donate a portion of the proceeds to the Movember charity, in honor of the fight against cancer. Now remember, we only have a month to grow Mo's and raise awareness and funds, so please come along for the mustache ride—Heyo! 

I encourage you to read ScapeGoat Ink's blog and check out the t-shirts. It will change your life. I promise.


So there you have it guys and gals. Throughout the month of November, be sure to stop by the "You'll Be Fine. I Promise." facebook page for updates on ScapeGoat Ink's Bullet-Proof 'Staches team's flavor saver growing and fundraising progress, plus valuable information about men's health. I will also have a link to our team page on the bottom of my blogs in November so you can behold all the mustache growing glory and donate, donate, donate!! I love the dudes in my life and I'm sure you love your dudes, too... let's do everything we can to keep them healthy and aware.

Alright boys - start growing those sexy 'Staches! 

What Did I Do Today?

During the week, after The Hub comes home from work, we ask each other, "How was your day?" The follow-up question is, "What did you do today?" More often than not, the events of my day are a blur save for a few funny or crazy moments. I've decided to document how I spend my day at home with the kids on a random Tuesday.

***

Wake up to cold wet nose pressed to my cheek.

Did The Hub feed the dogs? 

Please let there be coffee... please let there be coffee... please let there be coffee...

Let dogs out for potty break. Looks like it's going to rain today. Make mental note to put carpet cleaner shampoo on the shopping list. Feel a monthly migraine coming on. Complain about it to The Hub. Take migraine medicine. Pour cup of coffee and turn on morning news. Kids are still asleep. Kiss The Hub good-bye for the day. Weather report confirms the rain is coming. Cancel all outdoor plans and errands. Decide to make it a "Clean the House" day. Write down my "To Do" list.


                To Do

1. Unload dishwasher
2. Clean both bathrooms
3. Vacuum entire house
4. Dust
5. Wash laundry
6. Fold laundry
7. PUT AWAY LAUNDRY

Kids wake up. Change B's diaper. Argue that candy is not suitable for breakfast. Win argument. Serve nutritional breakfast. Check email. Freak out for a moment because I think Nathan Fillion tweeted me. He did not. It was a Twitter newsletter which included some of his tweets, none of which were for me. Decide to share this moment of stupidity with my friends.  Tweet picture to Nathan Fillion. Slightly question my sanity.

What's that smell?

Change B's diaper. Send dogs back outside for potty break. Clear cereal bowls from kitchen table. More coffee. Set up cardboard box for rainy day fun for kids. It's not raining... yet.

I told you they love cardboard boxes.

Break up a fight over toy. Slip on puddle of water from knocked over dog bowl. Clean up puddle. Become aware of all the muddy paw prints on the kitchen floor. Can't remember the last time I mopped the floor. Add it to the list. Fold laundry. Swear to myself that I will put it away in a few minutes. Check Twitter to see if I got a response from Nathan Fillion. Nope.

Yes, I still wear my PHS Senior T-shirt.
Like the Hub's "Beer Me" t-shirt? Click Here.

Realize I just spent 20 minutes browsing Pinterest. Kids want something to eat. Argue that candy is not a suitable snack. Win argument. Give nutritious snack. Catch S giving her snack to dogs. Walk past laundry baskets. Repeat promise to put laundry away after I take a shower. 

I bet Nathan Fillion gets a million tweets a day. He'll probably never respond.  He'll probably think it was stupid. It was stupid! That's it. No more posting for me today. I look like a total flake. Good going, Terese, tweet Nathan Fillion to show him what a flake you are. I wonder what he would think if he found out we named our dog Malcolm Reynolds? Wait. Did I shampoo my hair before I put on the conditioner? Damn. WHAT WAS THAT NOISE?!  

Leave shower without shaving legs. Find out that noise was just the kids practicing their yodeling skills.  Get dressed. The girls say they are "SOOOOO hungry!" Walk past laundry baskets. Make lunch. Girls are not that hungry. Realize I am very hungry. Look at phone. Missed The Hub's call while in shower. Call back. He asks if my headache is gone. Remember that I had a headache, but it is gone. Realize I am very jittery from the medicine. Add up all the cups of coffee from this morning. Figure my mental rant in the shower (berating myself about being stupid about Nathan Fillion) might have been caffeine induced. Do not tell The Hub about Nathan Fillion. Already too embarrassed about all the thought that went into the whole situation.

No, you cannot have any candy!

Hear the first thunder clap. Send dogs out for another potty break before the storm hits. Clean up kitchen after lunch. Change another diaper. Tell whiny kids to pick up their toys off the floor. Gather kids on the couch and turn off the television. Cuddle with them and ask B what she wants to do for her 3rd birthday tomorrow. Tell the story of her birth. Leave out gory details. Tell S the story of her birth. Leave out gory details. Tell silly knock, knock jokes.

Sigh. This is nice. I wish I could sit here all day and cuddle with them. Man, it's really raining hard. I wonder if the power will go out. I wouldn't mind it... just for a little while.

Discuss future events leading up to school starting again. Make mental note to go "back to school" shopping. Discover huge wad of chewing gum in B's hair. Admit that I lost the candy battle. Relocate purse containing chewing gum pack to higher shelf. Successfully remove gum from B's hair with minimal cutting.

Hold ice on gum until hard. Gently pull hair off of gum.
 B and I both became impatient with the process and cut the rest of the gum out.

Put washed laundry in the dryer. Walk past folded laundry. Decide to wait to put it away after the next load in the dryer is dry and folded. Rent the new Three Stooges movie for the kids to watch while I work on my "To Do" list. Hear kids laughing. A lot. Too much. Question my parenting choices and have visions of S and B reenacting Larry, Moe, and Curly fights. Pick my battles and continue cleaning the kids' bathroom.

The Hub walks through the door.

He's home early! I'm not done with my list! Oh well. He already knows I'm not OCD Mom.

The girls and I tell him about our day. They enjoyed our cuddle / chat time. They LOVED the movie. Everyone is in good spirits even with the rainy day. The Hub plays with the kids. I put another laundry load in the washer. I walk by the spot where the laundry baskets were all day. They're missing.

Me: Where are the laundry baskets?
The Hub: I moved them to the bedroom.

Out of sight... out of mind. Good man!!

  To Do

1. Mop kitchen floor
2. Unload dishwasher
3. Clean both bathrooms
4. Vacuum entire house
5. Dust
6. Wash laundry
7. Fold laundry
8. PUT AWAY LAUNDRY  (Don't judge me.)

All in all, I'd say it was a pretty successful day. What did you do today?

Mom! I'm Bored!

It's summer! Huzzah! No early mornings, no homework, and no anxiety from bus route changes (as described here). And I don't even go to school! I've always loved summer. Once I entered the working world after college, I realized summer is better when you are in school. You don't get long breaks anymore. So when I quit my job to stay home with the kids, I discovered the joy of summer once again. It brings me back to the long, lazy summers of my youth. I remember spending afternoons making googly eyes at the neighborhood pool life guard and journaling about how life was going to be awesome once I got my driver's license. I would sleep all morning. I would watch MTV all day long... it was the early 90's... MTV was still cool back then. The most I had to worry about was reading all the books on the school summer reading list. For this book nerd, that wasn't an issue. I didn't have to do anything. That was the beauty of it all. I didn't have to do ANYTHING! I really enjoy a free schedule. I like the freedom to do whatever I want to do even if I choose to do nothing at all. I am happiest when I don't have to do anything. That's usually when I do the most. My kids, however, are nothing like me. They want, no, demand a schedule. They wake up at 7:00 AM, asking for breakfast. They jump on my bed, wanting to know what I've planned to do each minute of the day. Ugh! It's cruel! They don't want to sleep in. They don't want to lay on the couch watching Beavis and Butt-head reruns. That's boring. Everything I like to do is boring. I freaking hate that word. Boring. It's a bad word. It's a whiny word. It goes like this: 

"Mmmmmmooooooooommmmmm!!!!!  I'm borrrrrrrred."

Do you know what causes boredom? It's not from a lack of things to do. It's from a lack of imagination and creativity. Boredom is the ultimate form of laziness. People who say they are bored are really looking for someone else to entertain them. They want you do the leg work and come up with something to do. They don't want to utilize their creative brain.

Another issue I've discovered while hanging out with kids during the summer is that they want to spend money when they are bored. They want to go to this amusement park or that summer camp. Since we are down to one income, we have to keep a tight budget. We have to utilize what we have already. We are members of our neighborhood pool this year which is a major source of entertainment, but only if it is not raining. I love going to the pool but even I need a break from chlorinated water every once in a while. So what do you do with two young kids on a tight budget the rest of the time? I have complied a list of activities that keep my kids entertained that require little to no money. It does not require a ton of adult supervision or assistance. These activities keep my kids busy for hours. Nothing involves glitter. As the great Demetri Martin says, "Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies."

Rainy day fun without using your rainy day funds:

A Bed Sheet:

Help your kids build a fort out of a large bed sheet. I tuck an old bed sheet into the couch cushions. Everything is better in a fort. My kids like to play house, read, color, watch movies, eat lunch and even take naps. Leave the fort up after the kids go to bed and then the adults can enjoy the change of scenery. (Yes, everything is better in a fort. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.)

They begged to take a nap in the fort. That's right... begged.

Be crafty with your crap:

Dad's old sock:

Turn an old sock into a puppet. Give the kids old buttons, glue, markers, and scrap paper and let them make sock puppets. Your kids can spend the day putting on silly puppet shows.

A triceratops.... more like a biceratops really... you get the point.  

The incredible, versatile, amazing cardboard box:

I'm not kidding. Kids love a plain old cardboard box. A kid can turn a cardboard box into a boat, a car, a cave, and a house. Put several cardboard houses together to create your very own hobo shanty town! A few weeks ago, my girls made a cardboard couch. They spent hours on this couch. HOURS!

Cardboard box couch in front of real couch complete with Styrofoam remote control.

Paper plates:

Why only wear masks on Halloween? All you need is a paper plate, some crayons or markers, scissors and a piece of string.

The hub after a long day at the office

Popsicle sticks:

Don't throw away your popsicle sticks this summer. Wash the sticks and give the kids some Elmer's glue. They can make popsicle log cabins, picture frames, little rafts to float in the tub, and my personal favorite, popsicle stick drink coasters for my wine glass.



Fun with food:

Decorate your own cookies. Bake a dozen cookies. Mix plain white frosting with food coloring in little sandwich baggies. Cut a small hole in one end of the baggie and let the kids pipe the icing on each cookie. (Warning: Not for the faint of heart. I suggest you funnel a few Red Bulls to match their sugar high energy rush after this project. Better yet, drop them off at the grandparents' house for the afternoon. Consider it payback for "spoiling" your kids with candy throughout the year.)

Diabetes on a plate, anyone? 

Why clean when you can be creative:

If you love housework as much as I do, try these fun creative ways to get out of your chores.

Give your kids a box of sidewalk chalk and let them cover your driveway with beautiful art. (What oil stains?)

Don't worry about getting that ketchup stain out of their shirt. Tie-dye old stained t-shirts and forget about stain removal forever!

If you must clean, get the kids involved. Make it a competition! Challenge the kids to a race to see who can collect the most toys off the floor, sort the laundry or make the bed the fastest. Give the kids a rag and have them race around the house, wiping down the baseboards. Award them a ribbon or a prize. If you want to get fancy, you can have an Olympic games style metal ceremony. Kids go nuts over prizes and boom... your house is clean.

Have a large window that is covered in hand prints? Yeah, me too. My patio glass door is constantly covered in hand and paw prints. Want to know how to get out of washing that window for the millionth time? Finger paint. Give your little artists finger paint and tell them to paint a mural on the outside of the window. (It's easier to get the paint off later from the outside... trust me.) You don't have to wash the windows if you've got pretty art covering up the smudges.

This makes me an artsy mom... not a lazy mom.
It's all in how you spin it, folks!

Get a jump start on your holiday card portrait:


Give them your (inexpensive) camera and let them be photo journalists for the day. You, too, can get great shots like this:

Malcolm about to lick the lens

B's self portrait

Weird kitty keyboard that randomly turns on in the middle of the night.

S learning how to use the flash feature on the camera.

My good side.

My better side... Hey-oh!

Don't be a stereotype - turn off the television and go outside!

Get a bottle of bubbles. Kids freaking love bubbles. 

When bubbles attack...

Punch holes in the lid of an old glass jar. Catch fireflies at dusk.

Turn on the hose and get wet. Fill up water balloons, water guns, and buckets and have a good old fashion water fight.

Have a nature scavenger hunt. Give the kids a list of items to look for in your own backyard or local park. Hunt for a pretty flower, an unusual looking bug, or a feather. They can find a cool looking rock and turn it into a pet rock.

S gave me this pet rock 3 years ago. It hasn't peed on the floor yet...
 Which is more than I can say about the other pets in this house.

You can also go to the local library and check out books for free. Libraries are great. They have children's story times. You can read a few chapters in peace while the kids are engrossed in a Shel Silverstein poetry reading. Some libraries even host free craft or activity programs for kids. Get your kids a library card... it makes them feel all grown up.

That's all I've got. Hopefully, my suggestions will come in handy if your kids ask you for some summertime entertainment. If all else fails, you can always use my mom's old standby:

If you're bored, you can go clean your room!