Monday, August 6, 2012

Back to School Fail

I knew it was going to be a horrible day the minute I opened my eyes. I was late for school. Very late for school. I jumped out of bed and ran to the kitchen to get my book bag and keys. No time for breakfast. No time for coffee. It wasn't until I was half way to Atlanta, when I realized I forgot to brush my teeth. I attend Georgia State University. Again. Eleven years ago, dressed in a cap and gown, I received my B.A. in English with a concentration in creative writing. I thought I was set in the formal education phase of my life. Unfortunately, the university made a grave error and I did not actually earn my degree. I was five credits shy of completing my course requirements. I don't know why or how this happened. I guess there was a computer glitch or human error with the data entry. Either way, I was recently notified of the discrepancy and until I finished the courses, my diploma is a lie. Just my luck. So back to school for yours truly.

I'll be honest. I've not been the best student this go 'round. I don't always show up for class or complete my assigned homework. Okay, that's a lie. I never show up for class. I couldn't even tell you what classes I am taking or the names of my professors. I have all the books, but I haven't even cracked them. I guess I've been too busy with the kids to attend my classes. But, today was midterms and I had to at least try to pass the tests. It would be a total waste of money to drop the classes now. My real concern this morning was trying to remember how to get to my classrooms. I hoped I could just sneak into the room and the professor wouldn't notice that this was the first time he's seen me. Fake it til you make it, right?

So this morning, I found myself wandering the empty halls. Great. I'm really late, now. So much for blending in. I passed the lady's room and decided to take a bathroom break before I got to class. It was bad enough I had to walk into class after everyone else. I didn't want to have to get up during the test to use the facilities. I walked into the bathroom and discovered all the doors on the stalls were broken. Some were barely hanging by a hinge and some were missing all together. Unbelievable! To add insult to injury, there wasn't a sheet of toilet paper left. I just knew that as soon as I sat down, someone would walk in and see me on the toilet. I decided to hold it and wait until after the test. I was beyond late.

I started to recognize the layout of the building. I walked past a door and saw my professor standing at the white board, giving test instructions. Excellent! I thought that maybe my luck was changing. I planned on telling him that I was stuck in traffic, if he asked why I was tardy. I was sure he'd understand. There were so many students in his classroom that if I played the "I'm a quiet kid that always sits in the back of the room and that's why you don't recognize me" card, he probably wouldn't say anything to me. I turned the door knob and walked in.

Everyone looked up. I heard people gasp and whisper. Great. I was too loud and now everyone was staring at me. Busted. The professor looked up at me and screamed, "How dare you interrupt my class! Who the hell do you think you are?"

The blood rushed from my face and I swear my skin was on fire. I was mortified. You see, I never get into trouble with teachers. Teachers LOVE me. I don't know why I am having such a difficult time with school. I never imagined that I would be back at school now. I don't have the energy for school. I don't want to be here. How the hell am I supposed to do all my assignments and be a stay at home mom?! 

Oh. My. God! Stay at home mom! I'm a stay at home mom now! With kids!! I don't know why I didn't realize until that moment that had I left my youngest daughter at home by herself! In the rush getting out the door, I forgot to call a babysitter! I was an hour away from home and she was alone. I was going to jail. They are going to take my daughter away and I was going straight to jail. I had to call The Hub at work and tell him to go home and make sure she was okay. I reached for my cell phone in my pocket. 

That's when I realized I was completely naked.

My daughter started the first grade today and I'm the one having the "back to school" nightmares. 

Good luck with your first day back to school, S! We love you kiddo!


  1. Man. Smh. You totally got me. Until the pants thing....yeah. wow.

  2. Fantastic post. I had school nightmares that night, too! What is it with us mommies?

  3. I guess you could call that a sympathy nightmare? Don't forget, if it was in current day, you would not only be naked, but you would have 100 students taking your pic with their cell phone and posting it on FB and youtube within 20 seconds. Now THAT would be a nightmare!

    1. Oh man! I think that would upgrade my nightmare to a night terror. I feel sorry for students now. You just can't make silly mistakes anymore. Show up to class naked and the whole world knows about it... ;)


I'd love to hear what you thought of this post. Leaving a comment for a blogger is like tossing a buck in a tip jar.