Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Migraines, Mayhem, and Miracles

I woke up this morning with a migraine. Anyone who has ever experienced a migraine knows that it is not pleasant. My migraines occur behind my right eye and spread to the back of my neck. My vision blurs and my teeth hurt. I am light sensitive and any noise louder than a whisper sounds like a jackhammer next to my ear. A really bad one involves the feeling of nausea. Basically, I'm rendered completely useless until it passes. In a word, it sucks.

Yep... that's about right.

While writhing in immense pain, I start daydreaming about drilling a hole into my skull to relieve the pressure. It's an ancient process called trepanning. I know it's not 100% safe, but at times like these, I'm pretty much game to try anything to feel better.  The Hub is wary about drilling a hole in my skull. I'm sure there are tons of husbands who would jump at the opportunity to drill a hole in their wife's head, but he's not one of them. I guess I should consider myself lucky.

Please, don't feel sorry for me. It's my own damn fault... kind of. My migraines are very predictable and completely avoidable. I know this. I did this to myself. A combination of three things gives me migraines:

  1.  I have a gluten intolerance and too much gluten in my diet triggers these demon headaches. My dumb ass devoured two pieces of pizza last night with the belief that two little pieces wouldn't hurt me. I was wrong. Oh, so very wrong.  
  2. Lack of sleep. The hub went out with the guys last night and I couldn't fall asleep until I knew he safely returned home. (I inherited this disorder from my mother. I don't think she slept more than 4 hours a night when my sisters and I started driving and dating.) 
  3. Monthly hormones. I'm sure everyone reading this blog is past the age of puberty and I don't need to go into detail. 

Say it with me folks, "Getting old sucks."

Last night, the trifecta of triggers occurred and I set myself up for a very painful experience this morning. Completely my fault. But, I'm still going to complain about it. It's my blog, I can do that.

Usually, I can fight off an episode with an OTC migraine pill but, I forgot to replenish my supply after the last one. I was forced to rely on some good ol' fashioned home remedies: laying down in a cool, dark room with a cold compress pressed on my forehead. Right before I retreated to my bedroom, I explained to the girls that I was in a lot of pain and needed a few moments of alone time. They know when I have a migraine when The Hub is at work, I am border-line possessed and mean business. They each gave me a hug and promised to entertain themselves while I was away.

I doubted B's word since she has a meltdown when I leave the room (as explained here). Sometimes, she surprises me and does exactly the opposite of what I expect of her. They did entertain themselves... as well as everyone within a mile radius of the house. Today, the girls formed their very own Heavy Metal Rock band. S cranked her electric guitar amp to 10 and made sounds I didn't know a guitar could make. B was beating on her toy drum a la Animal from Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem.

Both were perfecting their Death Metal screams and growls. This, of course, excited the dogs and they joined in with barking and howling. The neighbors gathered outside our house with their folding lawn chairs and beer coolers and some punk kids formed a mosh pit in our front yard. (That's my story and I'm sticking to it.) I was in migraine hell. I tried to call out and tell them to turn it down but they couldn't hear me over their concert. The thought of getting out of bed made me feel dizzy. I did the only thing left to do. I prayed. It went something like this:

Hi God. 
It's me, Terese. How have you been? I am very grateful that my kids are entertaining themselves. I usually encourage exploring all forms of art and want them to become the biggest rock group since  the Rolling Stones. I don't want to be greedy but, for the love of you, I beg of you, please let all noise making objects in my house spontaneously combust or grant me a few hours of reversible deafness... my vote is for deafness because the kids are content right now and I don't really want to deal with sad children with broken instruments. I think my head is about to explode. Please grant me the strength and foresight to move my head off the pillow and away from the freshly laundered bed sheets. I am out of detergent and I'm pretty sure blood and brains will stain the fabric if not treated immediately. Also, you know I hate doing the laundry, so that would be a big blessing in my book. Now that I think about it, please do not let my head explode. I'm not sure I can count on the Hub to know how to remove blood and brain matter stains before the cops show up and think he drilled a hole in my skull. I promise to cut back on saying bad words and never eat pizza for as long as I live. Have a nice day. 
Your pal,  

Suddenly, the noise stopped. My ears were still ringing and I could hear the girls' sweet voices from behind my door so I knew I wasn't deaf. They were still happy so I assumed the instruments were intact. It was a miracle. I relaxed and waited for the pain to subside. An hour later, the migraine was gone and I could get up and leave my cave.

The living room was thrashed. Toys and game pieces were everywhere. The girls were in their princess dress-up clothes and their little faces were covered in my make-up. They were quietly having a tea party. They looked up and cheered, "MOMMY! You're all better! Do you want some tea?" Any other day, I would have been irritated by the catastrophic state of the room, but I was so relieved that my pain was gone that I graciously accepted their invitation to slurp some pretend tea. I'm learning to pick my battles. The girls did give me an hour and that is all I asked of them. I'm grateful for that. We'll clean up later.


  1. I have never experienced one and I hope I never experience one because Dear God would say.. figure it out my dear!! Best part of the story is the fact that it has left the habitat it chose to let loose in this morning...

  2. Thank you Dear Anonymous! I do feel so much better. Lesson learned! Thank you for reading!

  3. I'm sorry about your migraine. There is nothing except an ear ache or toothache that I hate worse! Sometimes it's worth a mess for some peace though isn't it? :) Thanks for the follow!

  4. Dear Craziness abounds,
    Oh absolutely - A little peace during a migraine is priceless. Thank you so much for reading! I am enjoying your blog!
    Your new pal,

  5. That does sound like it sucks. It also sucks that our bodies don't ever really give us a break. A boss might forgive coming in late to work but a body with gluten intolerance is not going give you a pass on 2 slices of pizza. Too bad we can't negotiate with our bodies!

  6. Dear Napkin Dad,
    My body used to let me get away with so much. I suppose I took advantage of that too much during my stupid kid years.
    Side note - I enjoy your blog and will pass it around as much as possible. This particular piece spoke volumes to me today:

    Hey my dear fine readers - follow this guy!

  7. Thank you Terese. I truly appreciate the sharing, very kind of you.

  8. i suffer from low estrogen migraines. my dr is scottish and she pronounces it "me grains". which never fails to make me smile. i find a weird sense of relief when my hair is pulled. i thought i might be crazy but the dr said it was a known home treatment. who knew

    i found you and your lovely blog through the pimp your blog post. i would love for you to visit my blog and follow if you like it.


    new follower bev

  9. Dear Bev,
    I will call them "me grains" from now on! I've also pull my hair during an episode. Low estrogen... perhaps that is my issue. That might also explain my arm wrestling habit. :)
    I can't wait to read through your blog! (I have to wait until the kids are asleep so I can read in peace.) Your page design is beautiful. Thank you for the follow. I truly appreciate it!



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